I began preparing myself to nurse my daughter well before she was born. At the time, I was nervous about even trying it. Even though I knew it was the best thing for my daughter, I had psyched myself out thinking that it would be too hard. Or she wouldn't latch. Or she wouldn't bond with me. Or. Or. Or.
Once she was born we tried right away. She took right to me. But, after several days she still had not had a bowel movement and the hospital wanted to monitor her closely for signs of illness. They asked us to feed her formula to try to move things along as a supplement to breastfeeding. I nursed her for nearly five months but my supply dwindled to the point where she would only nurse at night when she woke up.
This second time around I am determined to work harder to keep my supply up for my son. So far, so good. Mason took to nursing like a champ. He was pretty hungry as soon as he was born! When they brought him to me after my C-section surgery, I nuzzled him face to face and he tried to suck on my nose! :) I couldn't hold him because of the meds I was on (and even if I could have, I was shaking so uncontrollably that I probably would have dropped him). We are four months in and he is a healthy 14.8 pounds! I am pumping at work twice a day.
I saved up quite a supply over my maternity leave. I was pumping so much that I had oversupply and was up nearly every hour to pump. It took me some time to get it under control. But now I have a pretty regular schedule. Mason is nursed on demand when I am home with him and at night. During the week while we are at work, he is bottle fed with the breast milk I have pumped and saved. My awesome babysitter has helped me to regulate when he is fed so that we wont have a lot of wasted milk (it takes a lot of time and energy to create). I have to eat (what feels like) 5000 calories a day and drink a ton of water.
My schedule at work can be very busy. Sometimes I am in court all day long and it is difficult to step away from a busy docket. My courtroom staff is really the best. We have an awesome system and we really help each other out. They have my back when I have to step away, often times for nearly 20 minutes. The court administrators office has been great and even set aside a spare room just for nursing moms at the courthouse. When I say how much I love my job, I truly mean it. I LOVE MY JOB.
Now with all this being said, breastfeeding is NOT fun. Or easy. It is time consuming. And hard. And generally makes you feel like the life is being sucked from your body on a regular basis. If that weren't enough, you could get Mastitis which is a condition that can be super painful. I haven't had that, but I have on several occasions this time around, had blocked milk ducts. It is the worst! And the only way to really get through it is to nurse through the pain. I'm not even going to explain what it feels like because frankly, I don't want to re-live it. I am exhausted all the time. Sometimes people tell me to mix rice cereal in a bottle with formula or breast milk and that it will help him sleep longer periods at night. He sleeps good stretches and never cries or gets fussy at night. Mainly, I just hear him rustling around because I am a light sleeper. I pull him over and nurse him and he goes right back to sleep. No problem. Really, its not him that is the issue, Its me. I cant go back to sleep on a whim. Once I am up. I'm up. Its starting to take a toll on me. I don't want to give in and feed him cereal because its easy. Maybe I want to prove what a badass Mom I am. "Look at me! I can do it all!" ----- Its not working. My husband works insane hours some weeks and I'm by myself with a toddler and an infant. Throw in a full-time job, pick ups and drop offs. Teeth brushing temper tantrums. Nursing. Dinner. Laundry. Bath time.
Utter exhaustion.
I don't want to give up. I don't want to start on formula. Its so expensive and if I can keep this up, until he is six months old I will have reached a goal that to me, is really important. At six months we start solid foods. So, stay tuned. Hopefully, I have a success story!
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