Our Breastfeeding Journey

I began preparing myself to nurse my daughter well before she was born. At the time, I was nervous about even trying it. Even though I knew it was the best thing for my daughter, I had psyched myself out thinking that it would be too hard. Or she wouldn't latch. Or she wouldn't bond with me. Or. Or. Or.

Once she was born we tried right away. She took right to me. But, after several days she still had not had a bowel movement and the hospital wanted to monitor her closely for signs of illness.  They asked us to feed her formula to try to move things along as a supplement to breastfeeding.  I nursed her for nearly five months but my supply dwindled to the point where she would only nurse at night when she woke up. 

This second time around I am determined to work harder to keep my supply up for my son. So far, so good. Mason took to nursing like a champ.  He was pretty hungry as soon as he was born!  When they brought him to me after my C-section surgery, I nuzzled him face to face and he tried to suck on my nose! :)  I couldn't hold him because of the meds I was on (and even if I could have, I was shaking so uncontrollably that I probably would have dropped him).  We are four months in and he is a healthy 14.8 pounds! I am pumping at work twice a day.

I saved up quite a supply over my maternity leave.  I was pumping so much that I had oversupply and was up nearly every hour to pump. It took me some time to get it under control. But now I have a pretty regular schedule. Mason is nursed on demand when I am home with him and at night.  During the week while we are at work, he is bottle fed with the breast milk I have pumped and saved.  My awesome babysitter has helped me to regulate when he is fed so that we wont have a lot of wasted milk (it takes a lot of time and energy to create). I have to eat (what feels like) 5000 calories a day and drink a ton of water.

My schedule at work can be very busy.  Sometimes I am in court all day long and it is difficult to step away from a busy docket.  My courtroom staff is really the best. We have an awesome system and we really help each other out. They have my back when I have to step away, often times for nearly 20 minutes.  The court administrators office has been great and even set aside a spare room just for nursing moms at the courthouse.  When I say how much I love my job, I truly mean it. I LOVE MY JOB.

Now with all this being said, breastfeeding is NOT fun. Or easy. It is time consuming. And hard. And generally makes you feel like the life is being sucked from your body on a regular basis. If that weren't enough, you could get Mastitis which is a condition that can be super painful. I haven't had that, but I have on several occasions this time around, had blocked milk ducts. It is the worst! And the only way to really get through it is to nurse through the pain. I'm not even going to explain what it feels like because frankly, I don't want to re-live it.  I am exhausted all the time.  Sometimes people tell me to mix rice cereal in a bottle with formula or breast milk and that it will help him sleep longer periods at night. He sleeps good stretches and never cries or gets fussy at night. Mainly, I just hear him rustling around because I am a light sleeper. I pull him over and nurse him and he goes right back to sleep. No problem. Really, its not him that is the issue, Its me. I cant go back to sleep on a whim. Once I am up. I'm up. Its starting to take a toll on me. I don't want to give in and feed him cereal because its easy. Maybe I want to prove what a badass Mom I am. "Look at me! I can do it all!"  ----- Its not working. My husband works insane hours some weeks and I'm by myself with a toddler and an infant. Throw in a full-time job, pick ups and drop offs. Teeth brushing temper tantrums.  Nursing. Dinner. Laundry. Bath time.

Utter exhaustion.

I don't want to give up. I don't want to start on formula. Its so expensive and if I can keep this up, until he is six months old I will have reached a goal that to me, is really important. At six months we start solid foods.  So, stay tuned. Hopefully, I have a success story!

Mason

Just about a year ago, I found out I was pregnant with my second child. It was, frankly, a bit of a surprise. We weren't trying. And I was about 3 1/2 months into studying for the LSAT (an entry exam for law school). 

I am not going to sit here and type all these giant exclamations about how excited we were and how blessed I felt. Because honestly, I didn't feel that way. I was overwhelmed. I had made my mind up that I was going to try to go to Law School and work on that part of my future. Emerson had been my whole life for the last year and a half. She was (is) everything to me. I really didn't know how she would understand having a sibling that would take all the attention away. Even if only for a little while. I wasn't sure if I was ready to be everything to another person, let alone another little person.

I was sick as a dog, again, for about 15 weeks. It was a different kind of sick this time.  Instead of having my head in the toilet for the majority of the day (Every. Single. Day.), I mainly just felt like I was severely hung over for like 4 months straight. Being hung over for 4 months will basically change your opinion of ever wanting to be hung over again...

I started to get into the idea of Emerson having a little sister. I thought about how much my sister means to me (we are only 14 months apart in age).  She is my best friend. She is my rock. She is a  comedian. A rock star of a Mom. And everything I hope to be as a Mom going forward. I guess I must have made myself believe that I was having another girl. I was certain of it.  Then at 22 weeks, we had our "big" ultrasound and sure enough, we were having a Boy.

After going through child birth one time already and the whole sha-bang of "the first baby" I wasn't sad or mad. I actually welcomed the thought of having one of each. A little brother for Emerson. It still sounds sweet when I say it. We couldn't decide on a name. My husband did not like anything I liked and only had one name that he felt was kind of acceptable, Hunter. Now, ok. Hunter is a real cute name. But I just wasn't feeling it. We did agree that James would be his middle name. My husband is a III. So, having a IV was out of the question. My son is not going to be the King of Toledo, Ohio. He, in my opinion, needed his own identity.  My Brother and my Father are also named James, so this I felt, was a small homage to the Men in our lives who share that name. We eventually agreed on Mason. Which is funny, mainly because I have probably called him that all of 4 times since he's been born. Somehow, we all started referring to him at "Buddy" and it just stuck.  

I was not entirely motivated this time around. We had some issues with our roof and had to have it replaced before we could even begin to renovate the baby's room.  Which made it even harder to get motivated.  Eventually, we got the roof done and began to rip out the bedroom and replace the drywall. It took about a month to finish but now its an amazing space that we couldn't be prouder of. My husband really did a great job on his first ever drywall experience. I painted and decorated. Baby Mason got a beautiful baseball room. We even moved Emerson into a Toddler Bed at the beginning of June and she took to it like a champ. I have since updated her room to more of a "big girl room."  My bff Cakes decided that Em needed a teepee for her room.  Which Em adores. I made the space a little reading nook.

Our due date was June 25th, and we were set to be induced that morning.  The night before, the baby was kicking and punching and doing flips like crazy. So badly, that I was up most of the night pacing laps around the living room because I couldn't sleep (I still swear he was trying to tell me that he needed out of there). I was induced and they began to monitor us all day. It turned into another really long day (just like the last time). Later that evening, they noticed that every time I had a contraction, the baby's heart rate dropped. Once the contraction was done, his heart rate went back up to a normal speed.  The doctor eventually decided that he needed to come out and we were rushed into surgery. It was so scary. But, I will say that the way the Labor and Delivery Staff treated that emergency surgery was absolutely brilliant. It wasn't chaotic or unorganized. They ran that operating room like a well-oiled machine and for that we are eternally grateful.

 

 

The cord was wrapped around Mason's neck and he couldn't breathe. Once he was out, he was a completely perfect, happy, hungry, little guy. I can say now that I am so blessed. I am so proud to be his Momma. Emerson loves him. She loves to help us with him. She will bring me diapers or the baby powder. She likes to help pick out his PJ's after bath time. She carries around her "baby" and pats her on the back to burp her, imitating me.

 

 

Our life is forever hectic. We are always running late and I am pretty much always tired. But, I am happy and we are healthy and enjoying the chaos. I am realizing that being Emerson and Mason's Momma is my first priority. Law School will always be there. But these years with the kids being young is only for a short period of time. I want to enjoy all the firsts and be present and available for them, always.